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Six paradigms of human interaction: 3. Lose / win

At the other end of the forms of relationship are the people who use the lose / win, where these people give up their desires and their status as relevant to grant everything to the other side of the relationship. Persons acting in this way are people eager to please and appease, seeking the strength to take no acceptance or popularity.

Lose / gain is a weak position and chaotic that generates nothing but frustration and a sense that they add nothing to the relationship, a relationship that is mortally wounded.

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Six paradigms of human interaction: 2. Win / lose

Most of us have been brought from small to compete with others, think that if I win, the other loses, it's like our enemy, as if it were a dispute, and this need not If so forever.

The basis of this thinking win / lose lies in the excessive compared to endure, from small compete with our brothers for the love of our parents, our friends wish to be the most loved, most admired, and so on.

People who act as the paradigm of win / lose, are negative people, stubborn and selfish.

This sense of competition does not serve to establish good relationships (both romantic relationships, family, work, etc), we can do that endure over time a relationship where there is always a winner and a loser, where a strong and weak, so that relationships evolve and endure over time there should be a relationship where both people feel valued and to cooperate in their relationship fruition.

there room for the result I win / you lose, but I think this place is in sporting events and other situations that support it.

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Six paradigms of human interaction: 1. Win / win

This type of interaction that the two sides looking for win-win relationship, find out that the two sides met, flees the classical result I win and you lose to reach the level where both sides feel favored.

is difficult to have the ability to admit that we're both going to benefit from the relationship, you have to be strong in character and be completely independent in order to make the decision to make the effort to find a third alternative that is beneficial to both parties.

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Six paradigms of human interaction

In social relations, where we have to reach agreements and solutions within the interdependent world in which we live there are different possible outcomes for these agreements, in particular we will focus on 6:

- Win / win.
- win / lose.
- Lose / win.
- Lose / lose.
- Gano.
- Win / win or no deal.

The following entries are going to develop.

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The laws of love and life laws

Dag Hammarskjold, former secretary general of the United Nations, once an observation made profound and far-reaching: "It is nobler to surrender to an individual to work con diligencia por la salvación de las masas".

Es más noble y complicado tener el valor para afrontar y mantener una relación profunda con una persona importante en su vida (su mujer, hijo, etc) que dedicarse a trabajar ocho horas diarias con un multitud de personas superficialmente.

Por ejemplo:
Cuando los padres consideran los problemas de los hijos como oportunidades para construir la relación, y no como una causa de una irritación negativa y molesta, cambia totalmente el carácter de la interacción padre hijo. Los progenitores pasan a estar más dispuestos, incluso entusiasmados, a comprender en profundidad y ayudar a sus hijos. Cuando un hijo se acerca a ellos con un problema, en lugar thinking "Oh no! Another problem!", his paradigm is "Here I have a great opportunity to really help my son and to make a deposit in our relationship." When we respond in this way either our children, our wives or someone we care and we believe it deserves our attention is at that precise moment when they see the value we attach to their problems and they, as individuals, and then create strong bonds of love and trust.

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Great Men: Rickson Gracie

fighter Rickson Gracie Gracie Jiu-Jitsu (Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu). born November 21 of 1959 in Rio de Janeiro ( Brazil), older brother of Royce Gracie (UFC legend) , son of Hélio Gracie (legend martial arts and creator of Gracie Jiu-Jitsu) .
Part of this dynasty (which dates back to a Scottish immigrant who arrived in Brazil), has participated in several tournaments and championships on martial arts and currently lives in Los Angeles , California (U.S. ).

is considered the best fighter of the Gracie family, and undefeated with over 450 combat it-all or similar feature in the Guinness book of records.
Two of his most important battles in the early 80's were with the legendary Brazilian fighter Zulu owner of a fighting style typical of northern Brazil, used by the mestizos and known as Tarraco. This, more than 190 cm in height had more than 150 matches unbeaten when Gracie he won both fights by strangulation, after two fights Rickson very worked by using the-Jiujitsu Gracie, fighting back all the Zulu rush from defensive positions on the floor, waiting for the weariness of his rival, and the fact that he made a mistake to use it immediately and decisively to apply the technique , choke known as "mata-lion."
also participated in Japan in the 90's in two Open in which overcame, and was recognized as the incarnation of samurai of feudal Japan by the press. Notably
tried to challenge the best fighters of the time to stand up against him, but never answered, example of these challenges were not answered: Kazushi Sakuraba or Mike Tyson in his heyday, when it consolidated all heavyweight crowns. The challenge was that if Rickson lost, I would pay $ 100,000 to which he had succeeded. This was the legendary Gracie Challenge nobody got it.

has not come back to get into a ring since the disappearance and death of his teenage son Rockson, which appeared lifeless body and a half later because of a drug overdose. The hypothesis shuffle case file and talked about a kidnapping and subsequent execution caused by being unable frustracción conseguri rescue.

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The six deposits: 6. Apologize sincerely when you make a deposit refund

I think the importance and the essence is that an apology is sincere. If you really sincerely apologize and the other person understands this, the relationship progresses and confidence increases, because the other has the assurance that if another time you do something that bothers you, you respond with an apology, worrying about their situation. If, however, your apology is not sincere, and I apologize for commitment, then the relationship can suffer a major damage to it can cause, because normally when you apologize is because they've hurt the other person and I sincerely apologize if all you're doing is to intensify that damage and destroying the relationship.

Therefore, as eastern wisdom says, "if you're going to take a bow, your inclination is pronounced" or Christian ethics says, "Pay to the last penny."

The truth is that there must be strong of character to recognize their own mistakes and apologize, since it is a humble and clear statement that we are human and make mistakes.

Leo Roskin taught that "The weaker the cruel. The kindness can only be expected from the strong."

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The six major: 5. Demonstrate personal integrity

Personal integrity is a major source of confidence and is the basis for establishing a good relationship.

Our integrity depends on our actions reflect our words, we keep the promises and satisfy the expectations they generate. Integrity is a commitment to truth and self.

An example that demonstrates our integrity is how we talk about other people that are not present when we hold a conversation, if we speak ill of those who are not present we feel the people we spoke to that as soon as you turn we can begin to speak ill of them. As if we do not respect the confidences entrusted to us by telling someone a third party is Clearly this does not inspire confidence in anyone and kill our integrity.

The key to the ninety-nine is the left one, in particular the one that tests the patience and good humor of many. It is love and a discipline that conveys the love of others. The way we treat one reveals the way in which we consider to be ninety-nine others, because ultimately each is a one. Integrity

avoid any communication is also misleading, unfair and against the dignity of individuals.

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The six major reservoirs 4. Clarify expectations

Relationships, like anything worthwhile in life, require effort, dedication and courage of course. In the case of relations is particularly important the courage and the courage to face that relations should be established with the clarity of what each hopes to obtain and offer in that relationship, whether work, family, etc.

Many relationships do not come to fruition by the problem of confusion of the lack of clarity and lack of communication, because of this the parties are frustrated by the failure of their expectations. All of us can recall many examples of this particular problem, since it is the root of many of the concerns generam relationships.

This can be solved by investing time and effort to clarify the expectations of each of the parts before starting a relationship, it is obvious when you know what to expect from a relationship and you can not feel frustrated, because you have all the necessary information to know if you're interested or not that relationship.

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The six main tanks: 3. Keeping commitments The six major reservoirs

The establishment of a promise and its subsequent implementation are vital to any relationship, because the other person reaffirm their confidence in us.

The damage that can cause the breach of a promise can be devastating in a relationship, because after do not fulfill our promise, our words, our recommendations are meaningless to the other.

For example, if a child has cultivated confidence in the words of their parents, if they always have maintained and kept their promises, then and only then, the child remains in complete confidence the advice of their parents.

Therefore, it is better not to promise something we are sure that we will maintain.

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2. Pay attention to small things

Details relations are very important, basically everyone is very tender and sensitive. Inside, outside even after the most severe and harsh, are the tender feelings and emotions of the heart.

There are small details that you offer to make people feel affirmed in your love and appreciation, and on the other hand there are small details that make people feel undervalued. Depends on the kind of small detail we have with others, as one small positive or negative, in line will be a big confidence boost, or there will be a decrease of the same.

"Sometimes, when I consider the tremendous consequences of the little things ...
I am tempted to think ...
no small things." Bruce Barton

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The six major deposits: 1. Understanding the individual victory

When you want someone to really understand and want to take an important step forward in a relationship based on trust, you have to focus and think about what is important to you and what is important for the other person not always have to match.

We must be clear that it is essential the principle of doing what is important to the other person is as important as the person himself to us. We must try to understand deeply the other, as we ourselves would want to be understood.

For example, when working at home, very busy, and we ask our child about something that we seem trivial, but for him it is very important, in this situation when we showed him if you can trust us to feel understood or whether, on the contrary, we will leave with the feeling that we think that their problems are nonsense. It is clear that if we pass it, next time will not come to us and we will have lost part very important for their confidence in us.

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From private to public victory

So far we have seen the first three habits, which lead us from dependence to independence, it is now time to move on to interdependence, it is time to move from private to win public victory.

Only when we know we are the creators of our destinies, that depends on us what we achieve in life and we decide what really matters to us, only then can we begin to have beneficial and helpful to others.

The most important ingredient of any relationship is not what we say or do, but what we are. All relationships are based on trust, but there is no trust if there is no integrity. So, to build trust we must be people of integrity and trustworthy, and that is achieved when one is proactive, focused on the correct principles when one is able to organize and do things with integrity in their lives.

Any relationship depends on trust, to explain how this trust is generated, we use the metaphor of a bank account, we might call the emotional bank account. If I relate to you with courtesy, kindness, honesty and keeping my commitment to you, then I'm making a deposit (income), I have to increase the value of our emotional bank account. You confías en mí, cada vez más cuando hago este tipo de depósitos en nuestra relación.

Cuando nuestra cuenta de confianza es alta, la comunicación es fácil, instantánea y efectiva. Pero si se da el caso contrario, si mi nivel de confianza es bajo, la comunicación será lenta y difícil, se analizaran cada una de mis palabras con el máximo celo.

En la próxima entrada hablaremos de los seis depósitos principales que se pueden hacer para incrementar nuestra cuenta de confianza, para crear una buena relación personal.

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Great Men: Vince Lombardi

En más de una ocasión, Herb Adderley, cornerback de los Green Bay Packers (1961-69) y miembro del Hall of Fame, has admitted that not a day goes by without think of Vince Lombardi. Many of his former players attribute any success in later life to the NFL. The great coaches in football history are all fantastic balance of victories and defeats, but this extra dimension of Lombardi's what separates him from the rest, no one has influenced his players as the legendary head coach of the Packers.

Born in New York on June 11, 1913 and died on September 3, 1970. As head coach, coached the Green Bay Packers from 1959 to 1967 and 1969.Entre Washington Redskins in 1961 and 1967, Lombardi won five NFL championships with the Packers, including two Superbowls first. Another important fact is that I never finished a season with a negative balance.

An intestinal cancer too widespread for when the diagnosis was his life on September 3, 1970. Over 3,500 people attended the burial ceremony.

Lombardi did not revolutionize the game as far as Paul Brown, Tom Landry or the recently deceased Bill Walsh. On the contrary, took the ideas and methods from other coaches. But no one ever ran basics to more seamlessly Lombardi. Just when the game was becoming more complex, he simplified it. And with their success, were others who began to pay attention to the basics. His incredible determination and desire to win as they left a deep imprint on his players and by extension in the league that no one has ever been able to match.

Many of his phrases are still used on today's equipment in the locker room not only football but any sport:

"Winning is not everything is the only thing."

"If You Are not fired with Enthusiasm, you'll be fired with Enthusiasm."

"You never win a game unless you beat the guy in front of you. The score on the board Does not mean a thing. That's for the fans. You've got to win the war with the man in front of you. You've got to get your man. "-" I never win a game unless you complete the guy in front of you. The score does not matter. Only good for the fans. You have to win the war with the man who stands before you. You have to earn your man. "

" To Achieve Success, whatever the job we have, we must-pay a price. "-" To be successful in whatever you propose, you have to pay a price. "

"Once you learn to quit, it Becomes a habit." - "Once you learn to surrender, it becomes a habit."

"It's not whether you get knocked down, it's whether you get up. "-" It is not often that you throw to the ground, but how many times you get up. "

" The harder you work, the harder it is to surrender. "